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As much as there is a certain shame in doing this, I'm just going to indulge myself in discussing the latest internet meme: balloonboy. While I am at it, I may as well indulge my tendency as a US American to demonstrate my sense of entitlement to share what "should" happen as a result of this quasi-tragedy.

The central question is: "should charges be filed?"

The simple answer is: "yes". As a matter of fact, if the US justice system is worth even a fraction of what we pay for it (it isn't, and no danger of this occurring anytime in the foreseeable future), what follows is EXACTLY the charges which will be filed:

1) Falcon Heene

Charged with: "Being a six year old" (represents the result of a plea arrangement whereby charges of "contributing to the delinquency of ones parents: accessory after the fact" were dropped in exchange for the testimony, "You guys said that we did this for the show."

Results: In an ironic twist, Falcon has been sentenced to star in a reality show. Adding additionally to the irony, the show will not focus on his family, nor his balloon antics, but rather on his capacity to vomit on command. It will be cancelled in the second season, setting Falcon up to be a house guest on a future season of The Surreal Life.

2) Richard Heene

Charged with: "Committing an act of Americanism." Originally, there was to be a second charge of "use of a child in the commission of an act of Americanism", but it was never filed in consideration of how much funnier that whole "box" episode made this meme.

Results: As expected, Mr. Heene took this case to trial where he was not only found guilty of the original charge, but had 23 charges of perjury added. Mr. Heene has been sentenced to live out the rest of his natural life in a strip mall-infested patch of mountain town suburbia. Amnesty International is hoping to get his sentence commuted to something more humane such as lethal injection.

3) Sheriff Jim Alderden

Charged with: "Impersonating a law enforcement stereotype."

Results: Charges were subsequently dropped when the prosecution failed to collect enough evidence that the Sheriff was impersonating instead of actually being the stereotype.

4) the US media

Charged with: "Irrelevance"

Results: Sorry, we can't give you the results because first you have to wade through all the pre-trial, post-trial, live coverage, etc. But we can't even start that until we have a catchy theme and graphic for the lead-in. FUCK IT, WE'LL DO IT LIVE!

5) NORAD, the FAA, et al.

Charged with: no charges as of this time

Results: Once a people's court (a real one, not a "reality" one) can be convened, these organizations will be charged with "conspiracy to appear legitimate."



Of course, ultimately the most culpable and the most punished defendant truly needs no charges to be filed for this defendant is the citizenry of the United States. What do I mean? OK, anyone else remember when you didn't have to explain who NORAD was because they were so "vital" to protecting us from the Soviet Union? I wonder how much larger their budget is in 2009 than it was when Matthew Broderick hacked into their computers with the password "joshua." I wonder if they have even changed the password since then. LOL.

My point is: while this was an unusual circumstance, notice how caught off guard the powers that be are ONCE AGAIN! What was the plan for this contingency? What did the response look like? What if this had been an act of (I refuse to say it, but you know what I'm thinking)? What if we had shot the balloon down in our post 9/11 paranoia and then there was a mangled six year old inside as a result?

The illusion of a Great White Father who is benevolent and protective is just that: illusion. How can we not see this? Even if we reject that he is benevolent, we still think he can protect something because he is "powerful." His true power is how powerful we have made him in our minds because in truth, this is the place where he most truly exists, not in material reality.

Stop voting, get rid of your television, don't even read the headlines on the magazines in the grocery store. It's illusion. You'll find more truth in science fiction than in MSM nowadays. One you recognize as a flight of fancy, the other looks too much like reality and as a result, can be easily mistaken for it. This culture is like a drug. You can say you drive better drunk or high, but we all know you don't.